So there is this place in this trap town. It's called Science City.
And it's an okay place. Because it hasn't been closed down yet, and there are actual uses of it. It's like this huge park, which contains small displays explaining Science 101.
And we went there today. For our annual concert stage rehearsal.
It was quite a good day. Really nice. I mean, I spent it in the company of kind acquaintances and kind strangers. It was amazing.
It was elemental. Humans moving, going about doing their own work. Parents waiting outside the gates of the Science City Auditorium, waiting for the little kids to finish practice and come down. And then, madness, in the form of parents rushing to see their off-springs.
Parents complaining about the school system, children smiling, wailing, eating. Cute kids going about doing their own thing.
I like it when a kind random stranger tries to take my help, or talk to me. Even better, it turns out to be we have something in common. Once, a random stranger and I found more to be common between us than an apple with an apple. But, she was lost among the melee of faces the very next day. The name forgotten, the next.
I met S's grandma. Nice lady, even though we didn't talk.
She told me about the spooky ghost incident. And how things were with Naidu.
I realized that she could be amazing friends with these other people as well. And she already is amazing friends with some amazing people. I wondered how I fit in, because I don't fit in with the amazing people she is amazing friends with.
There's a first grader kid. He's nice and cheeky and nice. But a tad bit annoying at times. Only a tad bit.
His mum is sort of annoying as well. Sort of. She pokes her nose in every other person's stuff, not in the poking way but in the 'Oh, would you help me even though I see you're about to go out for a walk with an old friend?' kind of way.
But today they helped me get home.
And because of the elemental thing I witnessed today, I was feeling a bit in love with domesticity and I found myself contemplating their lives in a really dedicated way.
I was thinking in their car. On my way to home.
Mediocrity is one of my fears as well. Not in the way that- Oh I want to be noticeable. But in the sense that, I don't want to end up like an ordinary housewife who lives caring for her child and not thinking about herself. Even if I am mediocre, I want to be happy.
I can live with mediocrity as long as I have happiness.
That's what matters to me. It's selfish. Incredibly selfish, but it's what I want, and I shall have it.
Today, as we ninth-graders took our places, as the first ones to perform, butterflies erupted in my stomach. I was feeling overcome with the emotion of wanting to sink in to the ground and never emerge. But when my time came I did go in to perform. I was in the group containing Senjula- the most amazing dancer from my class. She was at front, but we were in a circular formation, and she had her back to the audience. I was at the back, but it was a huge stage, and every dancer was visible.
Every move under scrutiny.
My face was visible. I was aware of the abundant people who think me to be a joke. I still did it.
The first time was a disaster. The next time was better.
Ninth-grade went back. As I was running backstage, alone, I encountered Monkey.
"How bad was it?" I asked him quietly.
"Quite good actually, just work on the smile."
He doesn't lie. If he didn't lie I trusted that I hadn't made a fool out of myself.
It was okay.
Then we went back to our seats, and we spent out time being bored out of our minds. Me and R. There were a few moments. That's all.
I found out during grade ten's performance that Monkey hadn't being completely truthful to me when he said that he wasn't contributing anything towards the dance.
Oh he was there alright. As a mad person.
And I'm not kidding.
The role suited him. He has that mad expression on his face, that smile, that madness, that thing.
I might've laughed out loud then, but I didn't later when I waived goodbye at him.
Because I respect that he decided to do that, despite knowing how people would react.
Of course he didn't tell us, but that's another story.
In other news, I'm growing as usual. Yesterday happened to be epic as well, but I will type it down later. The week's going great. I'm thinking of doing a lot of work on Saturday, on myself, my room, stuff.
I fear someone's slipping away from me. I don't know who. Maybe everyone. But something is amiss.
Ah, well. I can handle myself so I'm not going to break down if I don't have any friends left, because I've reached a point where if anyone drifts away from me I don't try to call that person back. Even if it's S. Because she didn't feel it when we were drifting apart, and that hurt. So I'm not going to go around calling people up back to me.
Am I supposed to do that? Aren't they supposed to realize it, and then come to me themselves?
Too little people actually care.
Kashfin called today. She is amazing. She actually took my advice, and now she hasn't been crying and has decided to move on. I love her, so much.
I find passion amazing. I think books are heaven. Reading books is like being in heaven. Getting a book is like being in heaven. Books are love in the form of cardboard and papers. I love passionate people.
I think these 'annual concerts' and other annual functions schools have are a way of building people, revealing people. Forcing them to actually look at each other, at all the people that they are supposed to be growing up with.
December is amazing. Has been, will be. January is looking to be quite good, and February IS amazing.
It's been such a fun ride. I'm waiting for Sunday, for the actual thing but I can already feel that I'll be sad once it's over.
:'3
And it's an okay place. Because it hasn't been closed down yet, and there are actual uses of it. It's like this huge park, which contains small displays explaining Science 101.
And we went there today. For our annual concert stage rehearsal.
It was quite a good day. Really nice. I mean, I spent it in the company of kind acquaintances and kind strangers. It was amazing.
It was elemental. Humans moving, going about doing their own work. Parents waiting outside the gates of the Science City Auditorium, waiting for the little kids to finish practice and come down. And then, madness, in the form of parents rushing to see their off-springs.
Parents complaining about the school system, children smiling, wailing, eating. Cute kids going about doing their own thing.
I like it when a kind random stranger tries to take my help, or talk to me. Even better, it turns out to be we have something in common. Once, a random stranger and I found more to be common between us than an apple with an apple. But, she was lost among the melee of faces the very next day. The name forgotten, the next.
I met S's grandma. Nice lady, even though we didn't talk.
She told me about the spooky ghost incident. And how things were with Naidu.
I realized that she could be amazing friends with these other people as well. And she already is amazing friends with some amazing people. I wondered how I fit in, because I don't fit in with the amazing people she is amazing friends with.
There's a first grader kid. He's nice and cheeky and nice. But a tad bit annoying at times. Only a tad bit.
His mum is sort of annoying as well. Sort of. She pokes her nose in every other person's stuff, not in the poking way but in the 'Oh, would you help me even though I see you're about to go out for a walk with an old friend?' kind of way.
But today they helped me get home.
And because of the elemental thing I witnessed today, I was feeling a bit in love with domesticity and I found myself contemplating their lives in a really dedicated way.
I was thinking in their car. On my way to home.
Mediocrity is one of my fears as well. Not in the way that- Oh I want to be noticeable. But in the sense that, I don't want to end up like an ordinary housewife who lives caring for her child and not thinking about herself. Even if I am mediocre, I want to be happy.
I can live with mediocrity as long as I have happiness.
That's what matters to me. It's selfish. Incredibly selfish, but it's what I want, and I shall have it.
Today, as we ninth-graders took our places, as the first ones to perform, butterflies erupted in my stomach. I was feeling overcome with the emotion of wanting to sink in to the ground and never emerge. But when my time came I did go in to perform. I was in the group containing Senjula- the most amazing dancer from my class. She was at front, but we were in a circular formation, and she had her back to the audience. I was at the back, but it was a huge stage, and every dancer was visible.
Every move under scrutiny.
My face was visible. I was aware of the abundant people who think me to be a joke. I still did it.
The first time was a disaster. The next time was better.
Ninth-grade went back. As I was running backstage, alone, I encountered Monkey.
"How bad was it?" I asked him quietly.
"Quite good actually, just work on the smile."
He doesn't lie. If he didn't lie I trusted that I hadn't made a fool out of myself.
It was okay.
Then we went back to our seats, and we spent out time being bored out of our minds. Me and R. There were a few moments. That's all.
I found out during grade ten's performance that Monkey hadn't being completely truthful to me when he said that he wasn't contributing anything towards the dance.
Oh he was there alright. As a mad person.
And I'm not kidding.
The role suited him. He has that mad expression on his face, that smile, that madness, that thing.
I might've laughed out loud then, but I didn't later when I waived goodbye at him.
Because I respect that he decided to do that, despite knowing how people would react.
Of course he didn't tell us, but that's another story.
In other news, I'm growing as usual. Yesterday happened to be epic as well, but I will type it down later. The week's going great. I'm thinking of doing a lot of work on Saturday, on myself, my room, stuff.
I fear someone's slipping away from me. I don't know who. Maybe everyone. But something is amiss.
Ah, well. I can handle myself so I'm not going to break down if I don't have any friends left, because I've reached a point where if anyone drifts away from me I don't try to call that person back. Even if it's S. Because she didn't feel it when we were drifting apart, and that hurt. So I'm not going to go around calling people up back to me.
Am I supposed to do that? Aren't they supposed to realize it, and then come to me themselves?
Too little people actually care.
Kashfin called today. She is amazing. She actually took my advice, and now she hasn't been crying and has decided to move on. I love her, so much.
I find passion amazing. I think books are heaven. Reading books is like being in heaven. Getting a book is like being in heaven. Books are love in the form of cardboard and papers. I love passionate people.
I think these 'annual concerts' and other annual functions schools have are a way of building people, revealing people. Forcing them to actually look at each other, at all the people that they are supposed to be growing up with.
December is amazing. Has been, will be. January is looking to be quite good, and February IS amazing.
It's been such a fun ride. I'm waiting for Sunday, for the actual thing but I can already feel that I'll be sad once it's over.
:'3
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